Primrose Cottage,
13 Gladioli Crescent,
Bristol. U.K.
20th April 2012
Dear Mr GOF,
I find you to be a very common and tedious little man. Your gift to literature is comparable to The Duchess of York’s contribution to good taste and the dignity of our beloved British Royal Family.
I suppose some fragments of your blog may be considered mildly amusing by a minority of lower-class descendant-of-convict Antipodean readers despite my judgment that you are unrefined, coarse and extremely vulgar. What I find especially irksome is the frequency with which you choose to resolve contemporary problems by resorting to primitive instincts and the use of explosive devices.
Disappointedly yours,
Lady Penelope Mountshaft.
.
.
Primrose Cottage.....30th April 2012
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On a much brighter note, one valued, observant, perceptive, intelligent, beautiful and impeccably well-bred close relative wrote regarding my ‘illustrations’;
(Editors note; Another puff of air into GOF’s balloon of hope to eventually be placed into a humanely managed old folks home.)
“GOF, some of your helicopters lack landing gear”
Thank you Inga for bringing this omission to my attention.
In future, to comply with Aviation Authority operational requirements, all my helicopters will have landing gear…..of one sort or another.
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P.S. No Lady Mountshafts, innocent bystanders, dogs, cats, sqwerls or sloths were hurt in the preparation of this story.
I enjoyed this post despite the blatant lack of a naked woman on the balcony.
Pure oversight, I assume?
They all ran away after the explosion Rich. The whole lot of ‘em. They’ll be back….you’ll be the first to know when..
The Penny Farthing helicopter has just made my life..
It would probably take away your life if you tried to land on it, but thank you for visiting and leaving a comment. Appreciate your company.
I think that your idea of a heli-tractor is a bold new innovation that could gain a lot of traction. Be sure and patent it as soon as you possibly can!
“gain a lot of traction” …hehe…..well done.
Brilliant!
Thanks
Although I imagine it must be disheartening to receive such negative correspondence I still think you have to respect Lady Penelope Mountshaft. I imagine that many would find it difficult to write such an incredibly reserved and civil response when faced with the complete annihilation of their home. Many would find such an occurrence to be somewhat vexing I’d guess.
I have an enormous amount of respect for Lady Mountshaft and I was gentleman enough to wait until she went out on a shopping expedition before I indulged in my addiction. Perhaps when writing the letter she figured the geographic distance between us would have provided her with retribution immunity.
I did leave a small blue tarpaulin and four sticks in her backyard so she wouldn’t be left entirely without shelter…..just to show my caring side.
You are clearly a true gentleman.
Clearly? Your vision must be better than mine Lance.
But just think of the stamp collection you are building! Something to sort through and busy yourself with on the 360 days per year in your area that it rains.
That’s something else I must speak to Lady Mountshaft about when she gets the phone reconnected to her tent……she put an inadequate amount of stamps on the letter and I had to pay the balance before I could collect it.
Australia may well withdraw from the British Commonwealth because of this incident.
You forgot the bouncy-springs landing gear!
I actually tried drawing a helicopter with pogo stick landing gear MT, but it looked even more stupid than the other ones so I chucked it in the bin.
Lovely dahlink!! Well when the Poms come to bomb you over this international incident, you can always run over them with your tractorcopter! Or just sell them the patent, they like that kind of thing.
I’ve accumulated an arsenal over the years LOM. I’m impregnable. I find that a comfort in my old age.
I only pointed it out so you wouldn’t seem foolish to your readers. It looks like I exacerbated the problem
” … so you wouldn’t seem foolish to your readers …”
There are so many comments I could make, but I won’t – I’m a gentleman!
” There are so many comments I could make, but I won’t – I’m a gentleman!”
And an extremely wise gentleman to boot.
It seems that I am very capable of exacerbating my foolishness with very little outside assistance.
Did you ever get your mouth washed out for telling tall tales when you were a child?
Sunlight Soap achieved market leadership in Australia on the back of my sudsy-clean tongue and gullet FD.