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Entirely bull

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Australians love to build oversized meaningless monuments which elevate their otherwise ordinary, drab and uninteresting little towns into more conspicuous positions to trap some tourist dollars.

                                                                                                                             
Closer to my home is the town of Mareeba, the gateway to vast expanses of cattle country in the Gulf to the west, and Cape York Peninsula to the north. (the huge pointy bit at the top right hand corner of Australia.)
Mareeba has a big Brahman bull.

Over the years Mareeba has had several monumental Big Bulls which were always, after a very short period of time, converted into castrated steers by testicle souvenir hunters.

The local Council after finally having had more than enough of all this continuing ballocks decided to have this special bull made from case-hardened vandal-resistant steel.

Four years on, and the bull remains entire, despite obvious attempts by hacksaw, hammer, bonfire and oxy acetylene to expropriate his private parts.

     
Now coincidentally, just while I was comfortably contemplating what sort of literary award I should receive for this exemplary piece of investigative journalism, a busload of Japanese tourists arrived to find an old man prostrate under the bull, camera in one hand, and the other one palpating the scrotal metallurgy gathering evidence to establish the various modes of vandal attack documented above.

Realising that my motives could have been misconstrued or at the very least not fully understood, I decided that acting out a charade of the statue's history for the numerous Nikons and Canons sticking out of the bus windows would be the most appropriate way to overcome the language barrier, whilst also endowing our visitors with a unique impromptu cultural and educational experience.

They must have been in a hurry though, because midway through what I thought was a quite theatrical portrayal of "castration" the bus took off in a cloud of dust.

I remain dedicated to documenting the truth, and providing cultural insights and understanding for readers of The Bucket.

Occasionally I am even prepared to sacrifice a little of whatever dignity I have left for that noble cause.

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About GOF

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it, depends upon what you put into it." (Tom Lehrer)

22 responses »

  1. Y'know GOF, I've heard arty farty types bemoan the lack of culture in this country. They've clearly never read our literary droppings on Vox. Their loss…And you know you've given an old man a new purpose in life, don't you. I expect to be in Mareeba shortly. I think a plug of gelignite might just do the trick…

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  2. Ha – LOL. I really did laugh out loud at this. The manservant is quite perturbed…… Any time I have come across these "big" sculptures I insist on having my photo taken with them. I think they are wonderfully kitsch!

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  3. Oh, GOF, that is so funny!! Did you really do that when the bus stopped. I, once again, am laughing out loud. My daughters hardly notice anymore, they are getting used to me laughing out-loud while I read the blog post's from my friends.

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  4. Perfect – although I'm disappointed you didn't take the opportunity to raise the shock value – if you had had surgical intstruments you might have made YouTube fame.
    I remember my first time viewing an Australia video – the people there struck me as wild cowboy types.

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  5. Gof, I salute your dedication to duty in photographing the bull's balls despite a busload of foriegn tourists taking tales of the Aussie weirdo back to Japan. You are indeed a gentleman and a scholar to take such ridicule for us readers.

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  6. acting out a charade of the statue's historyVery cool! US R-66 was widely-known for its bizarro tourist "attractions" in the middle of nowhere…since R-66 was chopped up for greater interstates, many of these have fallen into complete disrepair or been hauled off by fans.Chain of Rocks is near us! -"near" meaning about 80miles away

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  7. I think a plug of gelignite might just do the trick…I always carry some tow rope in my ute, and hooking that around his nuts might attract a little less attention than your gelignite Snowy.

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  8. Any time I have come across these "big" sculptures I insist on having my photo taken with them. I think they are wonderfully kitsch! And they certainly do attract tourists in droves. Busloads of em :-)

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  9. Did you really do that when the bus stopped.

    No F.S.
    Quite often in this blog I choose to allow GOF to get involved in
    all sorts of fanciful extroverted activities which in real life he
    would never do :-)
    The Big Gumboot is located in the town of Tully….supposedly Australia's wettest town, although that claim is subject to constant debate.

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  10. if you had had surgical intstruments you might have made YouTube fame.Emmi it is a little scary that sometimes our thought processes travel along the same road. :-)Considering all the trouble I've had with the law during the last year, it's probably wise that I don't start carrying concealed knives or other weapons.:-)There are still a lot of "wild cowboys" working on our cattle stations, and once a year they all congregate in Mareeba for the rodeo.

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  11. You are indeed a gentleman and a scholar to take such ridicule for us readers. Thank you. You are all worth it Vicola.:-)

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  12. Chain of Rocks is near us! -"near" meaning about 80miles awayThanks m-t….I'll check it out. I have seen a few documentaries done by people travelling the old Route 66……interesting stories of how America used to be.

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  13. I'm deeply miffed that two such "art works" near here have been totally ignored.The stunningly beautiful giant hay bale. (I kid you not) There are no known photos of this bland effort.And the Giant Koala recently named Sam for promotional purposes. The recent renaming had invitations issued to none other than Kevin 07 who wisely declined as did every other pollie and media tart.

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  14. I love your stories so keep them coming! You made me laugh out loud with this one!!!

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  15. The stunningly beautiful giant hay bale. (I kid you not) There are no known photos of this bland effort. Well…I take on board your deep miffedness Pete and I will attempt to do better in the future. :-)Blogging opportunity for you with the haybale?

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  16. I love your stories so keep them coming!Thanks F.S. There is likely to be some break in blogging as today we get another surge in monsoon activity so no electricity for a while.

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  17. Goodness….how long does that last?

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  18. Definitely bloggable as so much of your material inspires. My todo list of bloggs gets bigger every time you post something. I have many photos of outback dunnies from our travels out West. They will probably come up first.By the way mentions of weather induced non-blogging probably send floods of folk to their personal Gods requesting fine weather in the far North of Oz.

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  19. Goodness….how long does that last? Never can tell. Surges in the NW monsoon last a week or more and occur at least once a month until maybe April. We just have to be patient and wait for the sun to shine again on our solar panels. :-)

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  20. I have many photos of outback dunnies from our travels out West.That is a great subject Pete, and should be of interest to people all around the world.probably send floods of folk to their personal Gods requesting fine weather in the far North of Oz.Or make them breathe a huge sigh of relief that at least for a short period of time all of my bullshit is going to cease. :-)

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  21. Does the monsoon season get on your nerves? I think it would drive me to the edge….all the rain and the lack of sunlight. What do you do to pass the time?

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  22. Haa! Brilliant, devious minds think alike…..seriously, I must visit Australia. Sounds like more fun than a barrel of monkeys. And I miss thunderstorms.

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